DAY 8: In the words of Fats Domino, "This time I'm walking, just a walkin' to New Orleans."

Tonight, we address you on a special night from a special place. We write this from our balcony on Bourbon Street, where we sip on hurricanes, and listening to dueling house bands. One a Bon Jovi Cover, the other definitely Monster Rock Ballads of the 1980’s. No matter who wins this duel, JJDH and NJO both lose!

As we wrote yesterday, today is a very special day…it is Elfie’s 50th birthday. Though he may seem a youthful sprite, in fact he has lived through war, hard times, the Clinton administration, and gentrification, and has come out just as cheery a lad as ever before. And so, we celebrate the Elfster’s big 5-oh from our patio on Bourbon street. We may not be demanding seeing a bit of flesh in exchange for beads, but we certainly are in favor of having a good time.

We began the day in Northern Alabama, with our darling innkeep and a super-creepy 49 year old perspective MBA student who repeatedly expressed that he was going to business school so that people would “stop taking advantage” of him. Special. JJDH had a really hard time relating as a fellow pre-MBA.

Upon leaving our B&B, we put the pedal to the metal for a seriously long drive from Florence, AL to Nawlins. The time passed relatively quickly, since we were very involved in the case of the estate of Patience Stanhope vs. Dr. Craig Bowman (our medical thriller book on tape…11 hours down – 1 to go!!).

During a chicken sandwich/bathroom break somewhere in Alabama, we were privy to the most surreal conversation in the history of time, where some 45 year old-ish woman informed a “friend” at McD that she was asked to leave the church choir because she didn’t sing that “newfangled” music. Further, she informed her friend/EVERYONE within a one mile radius that she was worried that her son’s “illegal immigrant” girlfriend from Honduras would give her a “biracial” grandbaby. Also, FYI, according to her, the gays and lesbians are taking over the gulf coast. Watch out!

After approximately 7 hours in the car, we arrived at our destination--New Orleans, Nawlins, The Big Easy, the Crescent City, Sin City, & Katrinaville. A lifelong dream of NJO came to fruition when we checked in at the Inn on Bourbon. This hotel sits at the corner of Bourbon and Toulouse and overlooks Funky 544 Rhythm and Blues and Tropical Isle (home of the world famous Hand Grenade). It is these two locations that currently house the dueling bands!

Our first stop in this incredible city, which has recovered beautifully from the tragedy of Hurricane Katrina two years ago this month, was at Felix’s for oysters on the half shell and cold Abita beer. Like true New Orleans natives, or seasoned visitors, we stood at the bar while Louis, the oyster shucker, prepared the oysters one at a time for us, so they were never more than a minute old!

We journeyed on to Pat O’ Briens (yes, okay…we went there!) and enjoyed a hurricane at the Piano Bar and joined in on sing-a-longs made easier as the Hurricanes got lesser. Though Elfie was the birthday boy, he was too shy to ask the crowd to sing along to a rousing rendition of Happy Birthday. WE did, however, have a fantastic time singing along, bopping our heads, and generally being grateful for the opportunity to act like a moron at such a world famous place! Our moms would be proud! Although we were each encouraged by our friends to go uptown, leaving Bourbon St. to the amateur Big Easiers, someone has to teach these kids the ropes!

Our next stop along the way was Marie Laveau's House of Voodoo, where we put away the cameras for fear of having a hex put on us. We learned from Amy, the South Texas shopkeep, however, that Madame Laveau was/is a big proponent of positive blessings and charms. So we loaded up on charms to keep boyfriends faithful, ones to acquire boyfriends, others to get good grades, and general health, wealth and good living accoutrement for the Voodoo Queens in all of us! Seriously, though, it is always a trip to visit this spot…good times and good laughs. And, if you are good, you may find yourself the recipient of the South African snaggletooth shark pelt coin covered pouch for mental clarity and vitality…or the Voodoo doll we’re sworn to use for good and not for evil! No problem with that!

After another stop along the way for some picture taking opportunities and a little R&R for the Elfster, who took “party hardy” a bit too far, we retired to our room, where neither of us are anticipating much sleep. Of course, Bon Jovi just busted out with “You Give Love a Bad Name”, so on that note, we leave you, our faithful readers, with thoughts of Hurricane wishes and Hand Grenade dreams!

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: Brunching, driving, Big Easy-ing, celebrating, Hurricane-ing, jamming, Bon Jovi-ing, sleeping...well, okay, not really!

PICTORIAL DIARY:
Elfie kicks off the festivities with a birthday portrait on the table of his balcony overlooking Bourbon.Louis shucks oysters with new friend and ever-willing assistant, Elfie, by his side.Elfie poses with the first of many birthday concoctions, the world-famous Pat O's Hurricane.Elfie poses with yet another Bourbon Street mainstay, the Grenade Man from Tropical Isle. The man in red is a much-requested elf at bachelorette parties, not excluding this special gathering of brides-to-be. Elfie, not a believe in hexes, poses outside the Voodoo Shop front windowWas it a hex that landed Elfie in this most precarious Bourbon Street spot? No...it is most likely the Hurricanes and Hand Grenades! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ELFIE!

DAY 7: In the words of Lucinda Williams, "Car wheels on a gravel road"

We arose from nights filled with dreams of country music stardom and made those dreams a reality with our first stop at the Country Music Hall of Fame. This was an incredible museum…every gaudy guitar or glittery garb ever worn by a Grammy award-winning artist was found within the walls of this institution.

The museum’s gaudiest highlight was a 24K gold Cadillac custom made for the King of Rock n’ Roll. Elvis had some pretty special taste…in true “Pimp my Ride” fashion, there was a gold-plated TV and minibar, along with yesteryear’s equivalent of an incredible sound system (an automated turn table).

Perhaps the most adorable sight to behold at this museum were the legions of country music fans who sat behind us in the short feature film about “The History of Country Music & Television.” Whether Elvis, Tennessee Ernie Williams, Jerry Lee Lewis, or Dolly Parton (circa 1967), they knew every word to every song and unashamedly belted it out for all to hear…unfortunately no Grammy award winners in this group!

The highlight of the museum visit was entry into the actual Hall of Fame where Elfie, JJDH & NJO had their photos made with their favorite country music stars (or their plaques of their favorites). We were disappointed that NJO’s plaque was not yet mounted, however the curator assured us it would be ready by the 2012 induction, after the Grammy and platinum album entitled, “The Shades of Night Were Falling Fast, but I Got a Pretty Good Look Anyway.”

We made some slight changes in the Road Trip itinerary for the day with a stop off in Lynchburg at the Jack Daniels distillery, which completes our Whiskey Trifecta, The Royal Triumvirate of Hooch Juice, the Holy Trinity of Bourbons (others being Jim Beam and Maker’s Mark). The town of Lynchburg, population 371, literally exists because of Jack Daniels. There were gift stores, restaurants, vintage cars, and t-shirt factories all bearing the insignia of ol’ Jack. This town did not, however, have road signs which led to our next adventure.

As faithful readers, you to know that one of our Road Trip ’07 rules was slightly broken yesterday. You see, we made a pledge that over the miles of terrain we’d traverse, no maps would be used in getting us to our destinations. Whilst driving through Tennessee Nothingness, we came to doubt the mirrors and began to question whether or not we were on the most direct route to Florence, Alabama. So, we stopped in the middle of the road, hooked up NJO’s computer to her Palm Treo and pulled up Mapquest. There, we said it! We used a “map”…sort of. However, we are pleased to report that we were not incorrect in our original flight plan and are also confident that another map usage transgression will not occur on Road Trip ’07 as we are comfortably approaching NJO’s old stomping grounds.

After an afternoon snack of Vienna Sausages and Diet Cokes consumed in the parking lot of the Hillbilly Market, we found ourselves in yet another of the cutest towns in America, Florence, Alabama. (pronounced “Flarnce, Albama” by Natives). We are staying at the Veranda on Walnut and think we have the most adorable innkeeper in history; he is a charmingly crotchety good ol’ boy who LOVES playing innkeep, evidenced by the fact that he gifted us with Veranda pens noting that it was so “ya’ll won’t never forget me.” We also learned at breakfast that he holds quite a bit of influence with the local city council & he used that influence to “git rid o’ those dam squirrels keep diggin’ up muh yard.”

After a brief evening of exploring the darling town, we came back to our home-away-from-home and crashed into the canopy (double) bed in preparation for our evening birthday party festivities in the Big Easy.

“Whose birthday is it?” you may be asking yourself. Well, faithful leaders, Elfie is turning 50. I know it is hard to believe based on his cherubic appearance, but according to the imprint on the Elfster’s left foot, he was born in 1957. So stay tuned, loyal readers, for a full play-by-play on tomorrow’s festivities.

CLIFFS NOTES: Hee-hawing, driving, master distilling, driving, book-on-taping, mapquesting, arriving, blogging, departing!

PICTORIAL DIARY:

Regardless of your views on the Elf trade industry, we appear to have found the fruit of Elfie's loins on Ebay. Of course, we've started the bidding off at $3.99 to try and win his children back for him. Elfie appears on the Ford Amphitheater stage, opening up for Reba. Can you spot him?

Elfie poses with two of his favorite Country Music stars, Tammy and Waylon.

At the Jack Daniels Distillery, Elfie gets in touch with his "inner racer" and poses with the stock car used in the Indy 500 last year.
Elfie poses with the distillery master himself, Mr. Jack Daniels!

DAY 6: In the words of River Phoenix, "Look out Music City 'cause here I am & I ain't never leavin'"

We left luxury headed for more luxury, with a stop along the way at Lynn's Paradise Cafe. This first stop of Day 6 was JJDH's most anticipated stop during Road Trip '07. As featured on "Throwdown with Bobby Flay," Lynn's is a world of wack. Seriously, everything weird in the universe. Lynn served us up some of the tastiest breakfast fare in the kitchiest, most colorful environment. NJO had a traditional Kentucky Brown and JJDH feasted on what amounted to breakfast cheese fries, what our waiter called, "a dare." Elfie particularly loved this stop as he felt he blended with the decor quite nicely.

We then hit the road with a few chapters more of our book on tape and arrived in Nashville with the extra benefit of changing time zones...we had a whole extra hour to spend in Music City, USA!

We have both been looking forward to a stop at the world-famous Bluebird Cafe, where singer/songwriter types have been discovered over the more than 20 years this music mecca has been around. We weren't able to get tickets for the late show, which featured known songwriters "in the round." Instead, we arrived for the 6 p.m. show which was dubbed as "Janet McClaughlin." Although we'd never heard of her, we were sure, given the Bluebird's reputation, that we were in for quite a surprise...boy were we!

"Janet McClaughlin" turned out to be the guitar instructor for what had to have been the entire population of Nashville residents under the age of 18. And this particular evening at the Bluebird happened to be their summer recital. As we realized what we were in for, we politely asked the waitress if it was "creepy" that we were there...of course not knowing any of the children playing it seemed a bit strange. Fortunately, the waitress assured us this happens all the time and so we stayed and listened to scales and songs about panda bears (which was actually the highlight) until we couldn't take it any longer. We left with serious PTSD about what is in store for us down the road as parents: Video cameras, creepy second husbands, hot tea for our "under the weather" 10 year old performer, Tinsley, a table full of friends suffering with us and self-medicating with Nashville's local "Dos Perros" beer, and hopefully children with our musical abilities and stage charisma.

Regardless of the performers, we were SO happy to have visited this Nashville institution. We went back to our gorgeous hotel, The Hermitage, Nashville's only 5 star spot to sleep, and bellied up to the bar for a glass of wine and a game plan. We decided to live like tourists and visit the Broadway/2nd Street entertainment plaza. After a lovely dinner and Nashville brewed beer, we retired to our suite at the Hermitage.

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: Paradising, driving, book-on-taping, honky-tonking, self-medicating, touristing, "the big break" dreaming

PICTORIAL DIARY:
Elfie enjoys breakfast among his people @ Lynn's Paradise Cafe in Louisville.
The Janet McClaughin Guitar School of Nashville -- Summer Class of '07 Elfie poses outside the Bluebird Cafe

Inside our hotel...can you spot Elfie?

Elfie waits for the bellman outside the Hermitage with Gypsy in view.

DAY 5: In the words of the Camptown Ladies, "The racetrack's five miles long"

From small town gentility to "big city" elegance, Day 5 was exactly the kind of day we cousins love! We left the Beaumont Inn and took a series of detours along the way (post-laundry).

We started out at the Maker's Mark distillery in Loretto, KY. Our tour guide was hilarious and another one of the folks we have found that love their job (well, spending your entire day inhaling whiskey fumes can't be all that bad). We now know the secret formula for Maker's Mark and want to let you know that we each "had a hand" in production of the next batch (due out around 2013, depending on KY summers and taste, of course). See below for details. The highlight of this stop, however was in dipping our very own MM bottles in their signature red wax. JJDH's first dip lacked the tendrils and panache of a true expert, however subsequent cousin dips revealed an inherent talent. Since we learned that the bottle dippers get an average of 2 months off a year (due to the hazards of the job), we have our applications in and are awaiting response from Mr. Samuels.

Our lunch stop proved to be exceptionally historic. We dined at a spot where Abraham Lincoln stayed at age 14, Jesse James got inebriated and shot up the bar and the founder of the NAACP was born in the kitchen. We left lunch to experience the Jim Beam distillery where we felt like experts, master distillers "in the know." For you whiskey drinkers, we wanted to let you know that there are certain guidelines by which the US Gov't judges a true straight bourbon whiskey; they are:
1. The "recipe" must consists of at least 51% corn— typically about 70% — with the remainder being wheat &/or rye, and malted barley.
2. It can be distilled to no more than 160 (U.S.) proof
3 It must be aged in new charred oak barrels for at least two years. The two years maturation process is not a legal requirement for a whiskey to be called "bourbon," but it is a legal requirement for "straight bourbon." (in practice, most bourbon whiskeys are aged for at least four years; Maker's Mark is the only one that is aged by taste, not time!)
4. Bourbon must be put into the barrels at no more than 125 U.S. proof. After aging it is diluted with water and bottled.
5. Bottling proof for whiskey must be at least 80 proof (40% abv) and most whiskey is sold at 80 proof. Other common proofs are 86, 90, 94, 100 and 107, and whiskeys of up to 142 proof have been sold. Some higher proof bottlings are "barrel proof."

Contrary to popular belief, bourbons do NOT have to be made in Kentucky. In fact, our tour guide informed us that some saint is opening a distillery in the Texas Hill Country later this year. We fully expect to brought in as consultants.

From "klass" to "class", we galloped along to our next point of interest, Churchill Downs, home of the Kentucky Derby. Because we got there at 5 p.m., the museum was closed, but we did wander into the "inner sanctum" searching for "a friend in accounting." The unamused security guard caught us just before we entered the race track...we both resolved to get those tickets ordered for next year so we can legally enter this hallowed spot of Americana.

The highlight of the day, despite all of the wonderment, was arriving at our hotel..it is like staying at the MOMA. Sleek design, fantastic modern art, Malin & Goetz bath products, 42" flat screen TV en suite, plush bath robes, an iPod alarm clock (with thematic play lists depending on your mood), unparalleled customer service, and (two) beds we're having an extremely hard time getting out of!

For the first time on this trip, we snazzed up...mascara & all! JJDH wore shoes & her "fancy" tshirt and NJO went all the way with perfume AND mascara! We spent the remainder of the evening indulging in the hotel's fantastic amenities, hitting the state-of-the-art gym, gazing at the amazing art, and dining on a montage of culinary delights. Our waitress, actually named Ming, was surprisingly not wearing a side pony, but was nonetheless just as irritating as "Vera Wang." She did, however, win our favor when she posed with the Elfster.

After dinner, we returned to our plush sophisticated room, set our iPod on "Sleep Playlist" and dreamt the night away, you know the whole visions of sugarplums thing. We're off to Nash-Vegas today and will update you from our next stop down the road! Drive on!

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: Driving, distilling, dipping, taverning, Beam-ing, luxuriating, dressing, cocktail sipping, sophisticatedly dreaming.

PICTORIAL DIARY:
Elfie wanted to dip his toes in the wax, but settled for a pose beside NJO's hand dipped bottle

Elfie poses with the Maker's Mark barrelsThe cousins "have a hand" in the production of Maker's Mark

Elfie poses with a statue of Jim Beam's grandson, Booker Noe who ran the production of Jim Beam Distillery for over 65 years. And they're off....Elfie poses outside Churchill DownsElfie at the swanky Proof on Main bar outside the 21C Hotel posing with Ming...Elfie posing with another of the 21C Hotel residents

DAY 4: In the words of Tom Cochran, "Life is a highway"

As we sit in the Speed Queen Laundromat of Harrodsburg, KY sipping coffee and detoxifying the Potomac Sludge from our clothes, we write regarding our Day 4 accomplishments: we logged over 450 miles on the odometer, got through 4 chapters of our medical thriller book on tape, spent what little remained of Kitty on gasoline and Diet Coke, and were in bed by 9:30 p.m.

In preparation for the volumes we will author this evening on our visits through Kentucky Bourbon country, we will not subject our faithful readers to an epic point by point description of 10 hours in the car. Instead we will simply thrill you with short descriptions of the Old Frankfort Pike & our darling hotel.

The Frankfort Pike, the road in between Lexington, KY & Duckers, KY, is a gorgeous stretch of 18 miles full of thoroughbred horse farms…as far as the eye could see there was plush bluegrass, barns more elegant than houses we’ve seen (crystal chandeliers and all), beautiful horses, and Mother Nature.

It made JJDH seriously reconsider her business school ambitions over a life of horse grooming and full Southern breakfasts. NJO was pleased to see another defector from the Social Work profession as one of the horse farms proudly proclaimed an LCSW (licensed clinical social worker) … even horses need therapists!

We landed for the night at the Beaumont Inn, Kentucky’s oldest family-run boarding house. During the Civil War, the home served as the locale for Daughter’s College, a grooming school for well-to-do girls whose parents wanted them to be away from the horrors of the war…a perfect spot for JJDH & NJO! This is the first night that we didn’t share a bed (budget traveling) and we both slept the better for it (NJO didn’t have JJDH hogging the covers and JJDH didn’t have to up close and personal listen to NJO’s nocturnal diatribe).

All in all it was a good, productive day and it left us recharged and a little further down the road. Stay tuned for Monday’s (significantly more exciting) adventures!

P.S. Sallye at Stonewall B & B shared with us the secret for perfect-smelling laundry and we wanted to share this helpful hint with you: Tide w/ bleach, Oxy 10, bleach & then Bounce "OUTDOOR FRESH" dryer sheets. Launder on!

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: Driving, driving, reading (on tape), driving, driving, sleeping.

PICTORIAL DIARY:

Elfie visits the horse farm of the 2008 Kentucky Derby champion.

Someone else using their Social Work degree for good, not evil!

Elfie at Harrodsburg, KY's finest laundromat, The Speed Queen.

DAY 3: In the words of Jo Dyer, "Save your Confederate money boys, the South shall rise again!"

Despite our 7 hour drive today, it was a pretty incredible day filled with new adventures & experiences that were second to none! Looking back over the day, it seems like it began 3 weeks ago; we went through 4 states and traversed hundreds of miles, leaving the precious city of Frederick, MD to land in Floyd, VA…our favorite small town yet!

But before we begin our explanation about what it is about this one-light town (literally) that will keep us coming back for years to come, we simply must rehash the details of this glorious day!

So we began our morning jaunt a little later than usual because our inn keep actually “made a go” at being friendly, sitting with us at breakfast and arguing with JJDH about the path our ancestors trod when coming to Texas many years ago. Guess who won…I don’t travel with a DRT member for nothing!!

Speaking of heritage, our first stop along the way of Day 3 travels was in Harper’s Ferry, VA, where JJDH & NJO hoped to do a little hiking. This was made difficult by the fact that Bush-caused global warming was in full effect…it was approximately 7,500 degrees and NJO had on flip flops, black pants, and a long-sleeved shirt! She was hoping to meet the Park Ranger of her dreams along the way!

However, Elfie, being the incredible sidekick that he is, encouraged the girls not to let go of their life-long dream of walking in Thomas Jefferson’s footsteps and swimming in George Washington’s wake. The hike to Jefferson Rock was amazing and the view was lovely. In the words of Thomas Jefferson, considering the view whilst upon his rock, “On your right comes up the Shenandoah having ranged along the foot of the mountain a hundred miles to seek a vent. On your left approaches the Potomac seeking a passage also. In the moment of their junction, they rush together against the mountain and rend it asunder and pass off to the sea. This scene is worth a journey across the Atlantic.”

After viewing the spectacular scenery through beads of sweat, JJDH & NJO descended the mountain to have an up close & personal view of the Potomac River. Hot & in need of refreshment, dipping our feet in just wasn’t good enough, we needed to swim. Fully clothed, we channeled our inner George Washington and swam across the Potomac. Despite the slime and leeches, and the fact that the rocks did a number on NJO’s black pants (think real big holes!), the river proved quite refreshing. It was not as refreshing, however, to sneak onto the shuttle buses past the watchful eyes of the Park Rangers, who were not keen on the idea of shuttle seats drenched in slime water.

Upon returning to our car and realizing we had a 6.5 hour journey ahead of us, it became obvious we could not do it in our newly-created Haz-Mat suits. So, we pulled a Clark Kent-style parking lot wardrobe change, after which we realized that flashing in a National Park may in fact be a felony. We didn’t stick around to find out.

What we did learn this afternoon, however, is that 5 years without a car does not a pedestrian make…JJDH is truly Car & Driver’s 2007 Driver of the Year. She drove for 45 minutes at mock speed of 55, changed lanes 79 times, gripped the wheel with white knuckles, and had to finally give up when NJO’s harmonies became too much for her. Nevertheless, she has begun the re-entry process…and don’t worry folks, she’s nowhere near Texas yet!

Lexington, VA was a short jaunt away and yet another beautiful, quaint stop. We were able to view the Washington & Lee Chapel, where Elfie really wanted to see Robert E. Lee’s crypt (see photos below). We also visited Stonewall Jackson’s grave before heading out.

On the way out of town, we decided to bypass I-81 in order to traverse the more scenic Blue Ridge Parkway. We quickly learned why the parkway has earned the designation of being our nation’s most beautiful drive! There was gorgeous scenery, wildlife, lookout points and incredible vista views every few miles. After 135 miles of twisty, windy mountain roads, however, JJDH learned that the East Fork Mountain Vista is not Virginia’s most comfortable (or private) spot to express car sickness. A little air guitar and Sweet Child of Mine made her feel much better and soon we reached our destination of Floyd.

We noted immediately several dissimilarities between Damian and Sallye, this evening’s hostess at the log cabin Stonewall Bed & Breakfast just outside of Floyd, VA. First, Sallye does not hate the human race and in fact was very glad to see us. She and her husband and precious dogs greeted us warmly and showed us to the most adorable room with a beautiful porch view of the Blue Ridge mountains. We quickly dressed, hoping to have rid our bods of the Potomac leeches, and headed to town for dinner and Floyd Fest 2007.

We dined at Floyd’s only restaurant open past 8:30 p.m. with a bit of Blue Ridge fare and a delicious bottle of regional wine. After finishing up what could truly be termed as a “kountry supper,” (delish!) we hopped back in Gypsy and headed to the countryside for Floyd Fest.

When we finally got to the ticket booth for Floyd Fest, after an hour of driving, we were surprised to discover that two things exceeded our expectations. Number one, the size of the event (over 14,000 folks). Number 2, ticket prices…had we not sweet-talked the ticket guy, we would have paid $118 for a few hours of festival fun! We got in at half price and enjoyed live music, hippies, and Dark Side of the Moon in tandem with the Wizard of Oz. There are several great shots below of Elfie with friends at the festival (see below).

We returned to the B&B, where several other Festivus friends gathered to rehash the events of the drum circle, glo-stick dance party, and the similarities between Floyd Fest and Woodstock! All in all, it’s been a great day and we’re looking forward to passing into Bluegrass country tomorrow to continue in the theme of Americana and music for Road Trip ’07…stay tuned for details!

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: Waking, eating, driving, hiking, sweating, swimming, dripping, flashing, mourning, mountaineering, vomiting, ARRIVING!, hippie-ing, grooving, BATHING!, semi-blogging, crashing!

PICTORIAL DIARY:

Elfie at Jefferson rock contemplating the majesty of nature

Elfie mimics another of his presidential heroes while crossing the Potomac

Continuing on his presidential tour, Elfie visits Confederate President Robert E. Lee's "crypt".

Despite his Italian/French/Irish/Catholic heritage, Elfie is a flag-waving Confederate elf

Elfie at Floyd Fest jamming to the tunes of North Mississippi All-Stars

Elfie meets Elfen

Jamming, jamming, jamming all night long!

Too much jamming and not enough water lands Elfie at Floyd Fest's infirmary. The medic pictured below said it was his first time to use a stethoscope on an elf...small minded Doc!

DAY 2: In the words of Robert Earl Keen, "The road goes on forever, but the party never ends"

The sun rises over Cape May through a haze of sea spray; the Beach Patrol ride their skateboards to the sun huts in preparation for another busy summer day at the Cape, coffee and adventuresome plan-making are brewing at the Hotel Alcott.

JJDH and NJO began the busy day, after finding the missing keys, by eating hotel breakfast and updating this very blog. JJDH made away with 3 bananas, 2 granola bars, and an orange from the breakfast buffet. Her month of hostel-hopping has created some strange squirreling instincts that have proven hard to break (editor's note: and useful).

The drive from Cape May to Gettysburg (pronounced "Geddess-burg) was lovely, cruising away from the ocean through to the beautiful mountains and forests of Pennsylvania. Along the way, we experienced mixed reviews (and gestures) from our fellow drivers on the Garden State, who apparently were not thrilled that we were going 55 mph in the passing lane. But since NJO can't see out of the right side mirrors, we prefer cruising leisurely down the road in the "fast" lane.

One particular interesting road mate was a middle aged man in a red Mazda Miata convertible. Top down, our friend was leisurely eating Ben and Jerry's out of a pint container (with both hands, mind you). Not one thought for the open road, he would often pause, attempt to read the caloric contents, and look somewhat disturbed. Nevertheless, our friend managed to eat the entire pint and nobody died. JJDH suspected low-fat Cherry Garcia, however NJO's money is on Chocolate Half-Baked, full fat! Truly, this man could not have been less aware of the road, and we both feel grateful to be alive.

To pass the time, we have been playing road trip word games, including brainstorming creative spellings of funny words. (e.g.: foughtsy, photsea, fotsey, fotsi). We have also noticed that Garden Expressway toll booth operators are not in love with their jobs! We encountered multiple degrees of surliness, even NJO's sunshine perspective could not bring them out of the "blue funks." We were delighted to meet 2 helpful operators, each provided us with directions to a regional WalMart. We took the second gentleman's advice, and rolled in around noon to rural PA's SUPER WM, where most of the local town-folk were also taking their lunch break. This truly was the Mama V of Wal-Marts, where we brilliantly purchased a knock-off iTrip. (For those of you not in the know, this allows us to broadcast NJO's iPod playlists onto the radio of Gypsy.)

The ability to broadcast our playlists has changed the face of Road Trip '07 forever...no longer are we held hostage by lite, at-work networks, and NJO had quite a bit of guilt over breaking down to listen to the Dixie Chicks (NJO's note: It has been 4 years and we're NOT in Texas! It's okay just this once!)

Our celeb sighting of the day just so happened to be at this Wal-Mart; we saw an Amish family, in traditional garb, piling into a 16 passenger wagon. We were REALLY hoping for a covered wagon, but alas sometimes you can't have your Shoofly pie and eat it too!

One of the more astonishing discoveries of the day was the amazing traffic jam we encountered in Gettysburg. Apparently this town of 8,000 Civil War buffs really fills up at rush hour! We toured the Gettysburg battle field and were especially drawn to the site of Day 2 Battle, where we drove past a number of the over 1,300 battlefield monuments. Elfie particularly liked to ride the cannons on site, though they didn't hold a candle to the TX State Capital's cannons! This was truly some of the most beautiful scenery of the trip so far!

After touring the fields, we made our way to Frederick which is the world's cutest town. Shops, bars, restaurants, beautiful people, gorgeous homes, and cobblestone streets. Our B&B was a lovely surprise too. It has a porch that overlooks the town and is just blocks from all the action. What a spectacular find.

Even better was our choice of evening plans. Since planning for Road Trip '07 began, we've been talking about visiting Byron Field to watch the Frederick Keys take on the Winston-Salem Warthogs. And like all events on this trip, there was much to be learned from our time there. We present you with the top 10 bits o' wisdom gathered at this minor league game:
10. Dietz & Watson hot dogs are a little bit o' heaven here on earth.
9. Tinsley, Ainsley, Gavin, Gabby, Caleb, Tyler & Tiff all want a soda and have to go to the bathroom.
8. Drinking beer is a part of any baseball game, however, drinking 15 beers is to be avoided at all costs, especially when fellow fans have a blog!
7. Minor League Baseball = Major League theatrics... 7A wisdom is: Temper tantrums do exist, even south of the Mason-Dixon! 7B wisdom is: Act like a jerk and everybody cheers for you!
6. The Frederick Keys may not win every game, but they ain't never lost a party (they did win this showdown, however, in a rousing 5-4 defeat in the last inning with a Chris Amador homerun.)
5. When Chris Amador is up to bat, everyone wins...free whoppers!
4. There's a place for all God's creatures; next to the potatoes and gravy (wisdom gleaned from a Tshirt seen on fellow Key fan)
3. Minor League baseball equals Major League prices: 2 hotdogs $14; 2 Frederick Brewery India Pale Ales $16; 2 field seats $22; Memories made: Priceless.
2. Irritation of Keyote the Coyote when holding Elfie does not come through in photographs like it does in person (see pictorial diary below)
1. Children need discipline.

The evening ends with JJDH and NJO thinking of ways to irritate Damian, America's only bed and breakfast owner who hates people. Here is what we have so far: discuss the baseball game ad nauseaum, bring our own free from the ballgame Sara Lee white bread to the breakfast table, requesting that it be toasted and cut into triangles, go into detail about how cute the fireworks were, talk about the rest of our road trip using "precious" and "darling" every other word, take our sheets and towels downstairs in an attempt to be "helpful," fill up the entire guest book with comments about cuteness, ads for our blog and campfire song lyrics, blogging at the breakfast table, ask Damian to "return thanks" for breakfast, be friendly and tell her how much we enjoyed our stay.

CLIFF NOTES VERSION: waking, dining, cruising, iTunesing, history buffing, cheering, All-American-ing, blogging, plotting, sleeping, dreaming about plotting.

PICTORIAL DIARY:

Elfie overlooking the battlefield for day 2, Little Round Top. This battle was considered by some to be the most significant small unit action of the entire Civil War. The Battle of Gettysburg was a turning point in the Civil War, the union victory in the summer of 1863 that ended Lee's second and most ambitious invasion of the North. Often referred to "the high watermark of the Confederacy," it was the war's bloodiest battle with 51,000 casualties. It also provided Pres. Abraham Lincoln with the setting for his most famous address.

Elfie poses with Col. Patrick Henry O' Rorke, who was fatally wounded strategically defending the Little Round Top.

Elfie rides the cannon of the 119th Pennsylvania Regiment

And he visits a memorial to their fallen soldiers

Elfie does baseball...and proof that klassy doesn't end north of the Mason Dixon!

POSTLUDE: Some loyal readers have written us to note that the lovely NJO and JJDH are not featured in many of our pictures. This is a conscientious decision, because our road trip is not about us. This trip is about America. And because Elfie represents all that makes America great (gender neutral, ethnically diverse (french/italian/canadian/catholic), entrepreneurial, loves and appreciates the nuances of middle America, always has a smile on his face and willing to give a shoutout to his friends, colorful, always up for a good time), he is the star of this picture show.

Also, some readers have pointed out a bit of confusion regarding our website. Road Trip 2007 is a faithful blog of NJO and JJDH's adventures through the heartland. See our blog at:http://www.travelingcousins.blogspot.com/ (obviously you know this)...HOWEVER, we ask that you please avoid, at all costs, the communist diatribes of two Aussie ladies found at the British spelling (travelling cousins - 2 Ls). These brazen young ladies have tried to steal our identities time and time again. We are on to them.